Alison is … there were three of us in the family – there’s me and my older brother and Alison was our younger sister. She noticed that she had a problem with her eyesight. And it was very rapidly diagnosed that she had a tumour, of her optic nerve. Which was large, even when it was diagnosed, and it was inoperable.

So, she was a very strong person, and she was very, very clear-thinking about this sort of thing. And so, she was absolutely upfront, she was absolutely upfront, particularly with me, about how she was going to [emotional pause] [whispers] I’ll start again on this bit…

So, she was a very, very clear-thinking person. And she was absolutely upfront with me, about how she was going to make a living will, and included in that, was that she wanted to do organ donation, if that was appropriate. She was absolutely clear she didn't want to be kept alive, for any reason, when her life was not of a quality that was worth sustaining. And as I say, she was keen to do organ donation, and in particular she was keen if she could possibly have donated any part of her eyes, then she was keen to do that. [emotional pause]
I’ll do that again, so you’ve got it without me fading away…

And in particular she was keen if she could donate any part of her eyes, then that would have been something that she would have been very happy to do. And so, for me, I just knew that she had this wish. I didn't feel emotional or anything like that about it, other than the fact that I knew I was doing exactly what she wanted. And so, once brain stem death had been confirmed, she had – she did – she gave her heart and her liver and her kidneys and her pancreas, and all were successfully transplanted.

We were very, very pleased and interested and pleased to hear the details of how the operation had gone. And in particular my mother – she was 88, I think, at the time – was absolutely – I think delighted is perhaps not the right word – but she was so pleased to hear about these lives that were going to be prolonged and made better as a result of Alison. And in particular, a few months later we got a letter, from the man who we at that time called the heart man, because when you receive communication it’s all anonymous and it’s via the blood and transport [sic] people. But we had a lovely, lovely letter from the man who received Alison’s heart, and also from his sisters. And we wrote back. And we subsequently have had other communication as well.

We’re just so pleased, to hear, that somebody is able to get back to being – I mean – what he has described is that he’s now able to go for walks, he’s been on holiday, he’s got back. I mean, he hasn't told us that he’s climbed Everest or anything, done anything incredible, but it’s just so lovely to know that he’s out – that this man, who we now know is called Neil, has got his life back. And that’s incredibly comforting and very, very supportive.

I would be intrigued to meet Neil, but that’s a curiosity, it’s not a need, if you see what I mean. And I would not want to impose on him in any way. And I can understand how, you know – he’s got a new heart and that heart is his heart now. I am aware that, you know, for a variety of reasons and circumstances, in different parts of the world, they’ve got a different approach towards it. It would be one of those things that, once you met somebody, you can’t un-know them – it must be on a similar level to if you put a child up for adoption, or something like that. But, so I’m intrigued and I’m curious. But I can see that there could be risk attached – and there could be risk attached to him, and actually I wouldn't want that.

Having met other donor families, I have the sense that people are polarised. And there are some that are interested, and some that are curious, and others that are absolutely not. And, you know, there is a spectrum. And you know, there isn’t any right or wrong. And I think that one of the factors that might come into that is the relationship that the donor family has with the person that they've lost. Because I knew that we were absolutely following through on Alison’s wishes, and so I almost feel like I’m Alison’s agent. I’m not the person that had to make that decision. And I think that puts me in a slightly different position.

But in terms of, you know, the big picture – you’re somebody and you needed an organ, and you’ve now got an organ, and you’ve now got your life back on track. You don't need to have the baggage of somebody else sort of wondering, or being interested, or whatever it may be. So that’s why I come back to using that word curiosity.

It has also been interesting, for me, with people’s reaction to the fact that we put Alison forward to be an organ donor. It was a very interesting and variable reaction. One person said to me, ‘For goodness sake, don’t you think you’ve put her through enough?’ Which I thought was the most curious thing to say to somebody within 24 hours of losing her sister. But that was that person’s view. And I’ve also had, with just sort of sharing this letter when we first got it, slowly, amongst friends and colleagues and family, and one of my relatives got back to me and said, ‘I had never felt comfortable with it – until now. And I’ve now signed up. And can I share this letter with others?’

There’s the whole hog of having the meeting, which, you know, you could imagine and there could be books and films and goodness only knows what produced around that sort of interaction. Which is one thing, but there’s something else, about just simply, almost – it’s not an etiquette thing, that’s too strong a word – it’s actually a human reaction. You know, someone has given something, and you have received. There’s something about the simple acknowledgement of that, that then sort of ties what is a very surgical and medical process up into something which then becomes much more, sort of, humanistic – if that’s the appropriate word. Which I think is very important.